Chapter 1: Praise, The Magic of Trust
Discover how authentic praise builds trust and transforms your child's confidence
Core Perspectives
The Nature of Praise
Trust: The essence of praise is trust in the child
Effect Formula: 1 Praise = 5× Behavior Promotion = 8× Relationship Improvement = 10× Pleasant Experience
Key Principle: When "right action" is bundled with "good feelings," motivation leads to action
Common Misconceptions
❌ The "You're Awesome" Trap: Blind faith leads to blind confidence
❌ Utilitarian Praise: Treating praise as a performance indicator that needs to "meet standards"
❌ Empty Praise: Lacking specific content and genuine feelings
Practical Toolkit
Tool 1: Praise on Point
5 Efficient Sentence Patterns
Praise Sentences More Useful Than "You're Awesome":
1. Specific Behavior Recognition
"You did particularly well in a certain area today, which really surprised me."
2. Opinion Acknowledgment
"What you said about [specific topic] makes a lot of sense. Please continue, I'm happy to listen."
3. Method Appreciation
"That's amazing! What method did you use to solve this problem?"
4. Thinking Inspiration
"How did you come up with this solution? That's really clever!"
5. Attitude Recognition
"Seeing you do this task carefully/diligently/attentively makes me very happy."
Tool 2: Qualified Praiser
Self-Assessment Checklist
| Heart-to-Mouth Consistent Praise | May Lead to Inconsistent Praise |
|---|---|
| • I believe I can become a qualified parent | • I find it hard to discover points where my child can be praised |
| • I can quickly name 5 of my child's strengths and genuinely believe them | • I also feel pressured when receiving praise from others |
| • I can promptly notice and give feedback on my child's positive behaviors | • I use grades or standards set by school/society as criteria for praise |
| • I know my child's strengths and weaknesses and accept them gladly | • I use comparison (you're better than someone) for praise |
| • If asked to praise myself, I can immediately give an answer | • My purpose for praise is usually to get the child to obey |
Tool 3: Praise Effectiveness Assessment
Measure the impact of your praise
After Effective Praise
- ✓Child becomes emotionally vibrant
- ✓Actions become more proactive
- ✓Inner feeling becomes more motivated
- ✓Can persist even when difficult
- ✓Parent-child relationship improves
After Ineffective Praise
- ✕Child shows little reaction or seems perfunctory
- ✕Actions show no change
- ✕Becomes overly concerned about others' evaluations
- ✕Once praised stops, actions cease
- ✕Relationship doesn't improve or becomes more distant
Tool 4: 3 Implementations of Praise
Core aspects of effective praise
Effective praise must implement three aspects:
1. Implement Correct Behavior
Use less comparison and evaluation, specifically describe the child's behavior
2. Implement Positive Process
Good process brings good results, focus on effort and persistence
3. Implement Positive Experience
Let the child do things happily, convey positive emotions
Tool 5: Bundle "Good Feelings"
Connect actions with positive emotions
Core Philosophy: Bundle "right action" with "good feelings"
• Happiness:
"Your [specific action] made me [feeling]. It's wonderful."
• Touched:
"You did [specific action] and I was particularly moved."
• Surprise:
"Your [specific action] today was quite different... What a pleasant surprise!"
• Admiration:
"You actually solved [problem] yourself. You're really amazing!"
Tool 6: Character Mining 5 Questions
Deep framework for discovering character
Framework for Deep Character Mining in Children:
- 1. "How did you manage to do this?"
- 2. "What do you think was the most difficult part of accomplishing this?"
- 3. "Where do you think your most impressive quality lies?"
- 4. "If you continue doing this, what would happen?"
- 5. "If other children want to do as well as you, what would you tell them is most important?"
📚 Practical Case Studies
Case 1: Sister's Summer Vacation Performance
Praise Content:
"Emma, it's been half a month into summer vacation, and both Mom and Dad have to work. Thank you for helping your little brother learn and play at home, and for solving your own meals. You've solved Mom's worries. You worked hard."
• ✅ Specifically described the child's behavior
• ✅ Expressed gratitude and acknowledgment
• ✅ Demonstrated trust (believing the child can take care of their brother)
• ✅ Conveyed positive feelings
Case 2: Writing Practice Improvement
Praise Content:
"Wow, how did you write this character? The horizontal, vertical, left-falling, and right-falling strokes are all particularly standard, just like printed in the book. Impressive!"
• ✅ Specific observation and description
• ✅ Comparison with standards (printed in book)
• ✅ Genuine amazement
• ✅ Gave the child a sense of accomplishment
Case 3: Swimming Learning Character Mining
Mom guided her daughter to discover her courage and persistence character through recalling swimming experiences.
Mining Process:
- 1. Recalled specific experiences (overcoming boredom and fear)
- 2. Character elevation (courage, persistence)
- 3. Cross-domain application (learning other skills requires the same character)
- 4. Emotional connection (remembering the joy that courage brought)
Core of Character Praise
"Praising character is giving children the most beautiful medal"
Important Characters
• Integrity
Consistent words and actions, honest and trustworthy
• Resilience
Not giving up when facing difficulties
• Courage
Willing to face challenges
• Kindness
Caring for others, helpful
• Gratitude
Cherishing others' help
Significance of Praising Character
- • Build children's inner confidence
- • Cultivate long-term stable behavior patterns
- • Avoid over-dependence on external evaluation
- • Cultivate correct outlook on life and values
Negative Expressions to Avoid
Typical Negative Sentence Patterns:
- • "How can you not do such a simple thing?"
- • "Look how well others do it?"
- • "No playing until you finish practicing piano!"
- • "Learning is just hard work, those who endure hardship..."
Problem Analysis:
These expressions bundle "right action" with "terrible feelings," causing:
- • Children's inner resistance
- • Surface compliance but inner rejection
- • Long-term formation of negative emotional associations
💡 Deliberate Practice Guide
Practice Steps
- 1. Observation and Recording: Record your praise content and your child's reactions
- 2. Sincere Expression: Ensure praise comes from the heart, avoid formalism
- 3. Effect Assessment: Observe changes in your child's behavior and emotions
- 4. Continuous Optimization: Discuss with your child their preferred praise methods
Practice Suggestions
A. Finding Meaning Behind Behavior
- • Find something important to your child
- • Explore the excellent character together
- • Share the value of this character
B. Reading Biographical Discussions
- • Discuss specific behaviors of role models
- • Find similar behaviors in your child's life
- • Give acknowledgment and encouragement
C. "Failure" Event Review
- • Summarize the entire process
- • Mine positive behaviors and motivations
- • Find the educational meaning of "failure"
🚀 Immediate Action Guide
3 Things You Can Do Today
1. Choose a Specific Scenario
- • Observe one positive behavior in your child
- • Use specific sentence patterns from Tool 1 for praise
2. Practice "Bundling Feelings"
- • Add your genuine feelings to praise
- • Use sentence templates from Tool 5
3. Deep Character Mining
- • Choose a meaningful event
- • Use the 5 questions from Tool 6 to communicate with your child
Success Criteria:
- • Child shows obvious pleasure and confidence
- • Child actively repeats the praised behavior
- • Parent-child relationship shows obvious improvement
- • Child begins to show more positive behaviors
📝 Core Points Summary
Golden Rules of Praise
1. Specificity
Avoid empty "You're awesome"
2. Sincerity
Genuine acknowledgment from the heart
3. Timeliness
Give when behavior occurs
4. Constructiveness
Focus on character rather than results
5. Consistency
Form stable positive cycles
Expected Effects
Correct praise can bring:
- • Visible improvement motivation in children
- • Instant warming of parent-child relationships
- • Pleasant mood for the whole family all day
- • Joy and satisfaction behind the hard work and fatigue of being parents
Remember: Praise is not a skill, but an expression of love. When parents can speak with the high quality of a counselor, it can profoundly influence their child's personality development.