Tool 38 · Phrase · Free
Say What You Feel Without Blame
You want to express a feeling, concern, or appreciation clearly.
Try this
“I'm frustrated that the plan changed without an update. I need us to agree on a check-in.”
How to use it
Name the event, own your feeling, and state a practical request if needed. Your child is not responsible for managing an adult's emotional state.
- Describe the event without a character judgment.
- Name your own feeling briefly.
- State the practical need or action.
- Leave room for their perspective and take responsibility for your response.
| Purpose | Opening |
|---|---|
| Concern | I'm concerned about… Let's… |
| Regret | I didn't handle… well. I will… |
| Appreciation | I appreciated… |
| Care | I'm here. What would help right now? |
What it can sound like
These are illustrative examples. Adjust the words to your family and your child's needs.
“I'm upset about the drawing on the wall. Let's get the cleaning cloth.”
“I was worried when I didn't hear from you. Let's discuss a backup for next time.”
Watch out for
Avoid 'You make me...' and asking your child to soothe adult anxiety. Do not add a long list of past disappointments.
If it doesn't fit this moment
“I put too much of my worry on you. The practical issue is the check-in.”
Free template
A clear expression
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Go a little deeper
Reference reading
These public references support relevant communication principles. They do not validate this tool as an assessment or a tested script.