Turning 'How was school?' into a Meaningful Conversation

It’s a scene familiar to almost every parent: your child walks in the door, you ask the classic question, “How was school today?” and you receive a one-word answer: “Fine.” This conversational dead-end can be frustrating, leaving you feeling disconnected from a huge part of your child’s life. But what if we could reframe the question to open doors instead of closing them?

Why the Classic Question Fails

The problem isn’t your intention; it’s the question itself. “How was school?” is broad, vague, and often feels like a routine check-in rather than a genuine inquiry. For a child who has just spent six hours processing information, navigating social dynamics, and following rules, summarizing it all into a simple answer is an overwhelming task. So, they default to the easiest response: “good,” “okay,” or “fine.”

“The quality of our relationships depends on the quality of our questions. Specific, open-ended questions invite stories, not just answers.”

Crafting Better Questions

The key is to ask specific, open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” These questions show you’re paying attention and are truly interested in the details of their day. They help your child recall specific moments, feelings, and experiences.

• What was the best part of your day?
• Tell me something that made you laugh today.
• Who did you sit with at lunch, and what did you talk about?
• What was the most challenging thing you had to do today?
• Did you learn anything new that surprised you?

The Power of Timing and Tone

Don’t ambush your child the second they walk through the door. Give them time to decompress. The best conversations often happen during shared activities—while preparing dinner, on a walk, or during the drive to soccer practice. Your tone should be curious and light, not interrogative. You’re a partner in conversation, not a detective seeking a report.

By shifting from a single, generic question to a series of thoughtful, specific ones, you transform a daily ritual into a powerful opportunity for connection. You’re not just asking about school; you’re asking about their life, their feelings, and their world. And in doing so, you build a foundation of trust and communication that will last a lifetime.